Il corpo lo si capisce quando lo si ama

Somatic memory, self-acceptance and the maturation of embodied awareness

by Barbara Wilde

Hope II 1907-08 Gustav Klimt

Introduction: the body as an archive of lived experience

In contemporary Western culture, the body is often treated as an object to be corrected, optimised, or silenced. Pain is managed, symptoms are suppressed, and discomfort is frequently interpreted as a malfunction rather than communication.

Yet decades of interdisciplinary research — spanning neuroscience, psychology, trauma studies and embodied cognition — suggest a radically different perspective: the body is not merely a biological structure, but a living archive of experience.

Somatic memories — implicit, non-verbal traces of past emotional, relational and traumatic experiences — are stored in the nervous system and expressed through posture, tension, visceral responses and behavioural patterns (van der Kolk, 2014). However, these memories do not become accessible through control or analysis alone. They emerge only when the individual has developed sufficient inner safety, self-acceptance and emotional maturity.

This article explores a central thesis:

The body can be understood only when it is loved.

Not sentimentally, but developmentally.

Somatic memory and the limits of cognition

From a neurobiological standpoint, traumatic and emotionally charged experiences are often encoded implicitly, bypassing declarative memory systems associated with the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex (LeDoux, 1996). Instead, they are stored within subcortical structures — the amygdala, brainstem and autonomic nervous system — where they continue to influence perception and behaviour outside conscious awareness.

This explains why insight alone is insufficient for deep change. Individuals may understand their patterns cognitively while remaining somatically stuck. As Van Der Kolk argues, “the body keeps the score”: unresolved experiences persist as physiological responses long after the mind has constructed a coherent narrative.

What, then, allows these memories to surface and integrate?

The role of emotional maturity and self-regulation

Somatic memory does not release itself in conditions of self-judgement or inner coercion. On the contrary, the nervous system opens only when it perceives safety.

According to Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2011), the capacity for self-regulation and relational presence depends on the activation of the ventral vagal system, which supports social engagement, emotional attunement and embodied calm.

Emotional maturity — understood as the ability to tolerate ambiguity, regulate affect, and remain present with one’s internal states — is therefore a prerequisite for somatic integration. Without it, the body remains defended.

This is why many individuals experience a paradox: symptoms intensify not when they are “failing”, but when they finally slow down, stop dissociating, or begin to listen.

Self-love as a regulatory condition, not a moral imperative

In psychological literature, self-love is often misunderstood as self-esteem or positive self-evaluation. From a somatic perspective, however, self-love functions as a regulatory condition: it signals to the nervous system that internal experience will not be met with punishment, dismissal or urgency to fix.

Acceptance-based approaches — including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (Hayes et al., 2006) and mindfulness-based interventions — consistently show that non-judgemental awareness facilitates emotional processing and physiological regulation.

Similarly, attachment research demonstrates that secure relational contexts allow implicit memories to reorganise (Schore, 2012).

In other words, the body speaks when it trusts that it will be heard.

Somatic unlocking as a developmental outcome

Crucially, somatic release is not something to be forced. It is not a technique, nor a shortcut. It is the outcome of a developmental process in which the individual has:

• integrated cognitive insight with emotional tolerance

• replaced self-surveillance with self-attunement

• shifted from performance to presence

Only at this stage can bodily sensations, emotions and memories surface without overwhelming the system.

This explains why somatic breakthroughs often occur later in life, after significant relational experiences, losses, or personal reckonings.

The body waits until the psyche is ready.

Coaching, embodiment and ethical responsibility

Within a coaching context, this understanding carries ethical implications. Facilitating embodied awareness requires more than tools; it demands respect for timing, nervous system capacity and individual history. Pushing for “breakthroughs” without sufficient containment risks re-traumatisation.

An embodied coaching approach, therefore, prioritises:

• pacing over intensity

• consent over catharsis

• integration over exposure

The goal is not to extract meaning from the body, but to cultivate a relationship with it.

Conclusion: loving the body as an epistemological shift

To love the body is not to idealise it.It is to recognise it as a legitimate source of knowledge.

Somatic memory does not seek interpretation; it seeks relationship. And relationship becomes possible only when the individual has reached a level of maturity where experience — even painful experience — is no longer an enemy.

The body is understood not when it is conquered, but when it is trusted. Not when it is analysed, but when it is accompanied.

Ultimately, the body reveals itself when it is finally allowed to belong.

References (indicative)

• Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Guilford Press.

• LeDoux, J. (1996). The Emotional Brain. Simon & Schuster.

• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory. Norton.

• Schore, A. N. (2012). The Science of the Art of Psychotherapy. Norton.

• van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking.By Barbara Wilde